Homicidal
by ThreeHotPotatoes
Summary: Tired of fielding calls about make believe vampires and garbage men who come too early, CPD Detective, Edward Cullen, can't believe his luck when he lands a life-changing case. The only problem ... He can't stand his partner. Some lines should never be crossed.
1. Chapter 1

**Homicidal **

**Chapter 1**

**O•••••O**

Sitting back in my chair, I rub my hands over my face—fifteen more minutes and this shitastic day will be over. After spending most of the day convincing old Mrs. Copes there are no such things as vampires, all I want to do is go home, eat something, drink a beer, and maybe watch a few Dawson's Creek reruns before collapsing into bed.

When Captain Banner orders me into his office I groan internally, assuming I'll have another lame-ass case tomorrow, but my feet refuse to carry me any farther when I reach his door.

"Fuck. No…anyone but _her_!"

* * *

**A/N: *waves!* So excited to be back! Watch out peeps, there might actually be somewhat of a plot in this one! Same rules as last time ... we have no plan for this outside of the summary and we'll post at least once a day (but we usually get way too excited to wait that long!) And we promise we won't kill Edward or Bella ... I think. Right, girls?**

**I know reviewing every chapter of a drabble can be a lot, but we'd love to at least know who's along for the ride!**

**xx  
Hot Tot**


	2. Chapter 2

**Homicidal **

**Chapter 2  
**

**O•••••O**

"Sitcha ass down and shut your trap," Banner sighs tiredly as he runs his hand through his thinning hair. I glower at _her_ as I plop my butt into the rickety wooden chair in the corner, as far away as possible. Folding his hands on his messy desk, Banner looks at me. "I know you two have had your differences-"

"Differences? What we have goes _way_ beyond that!" I growl. The sound of her very un-ladylike snort has me looking in her direction.

She's so fucking beautiful it hurts. But I'd rather take a bullet than work with her again.

* * *

**A/N: PLOT? There's plot? Yes there is! And feel free to comment on what that plot might entail. Cause as of right now I have no freaking clue!  
**

**MWAH! Mother Russett**

**Go for it I da HO!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 3**

**O•••••O**

Banner hops out of his seat and slams the tip of his index finger into the center of his department-issue desktop so hard he puts a fresh dent in the metal.

"This bullshit stops here! NOW!" Spittle flies out of his mouth, landing on an unfortunate stack of papers in its path. "I'm running a police department, _goddammit_, not a middle school sock hop. You two are the best detectives I have, and the mayor is crawling up my ass to get this murder wrapped."

Together, we gasp, "Murder?"

I curse my body's response but can't help turning toward her.

* * *

**A/N: Poor Detective Cullen...and what the heck is Detective Swan thinking? Is that even her name? Who got murdered? WHO DID IT? And what the heck happened in their past that makes our narrator so darn cranky? I don't have a clue! Do you, Hot Tot? **

**xxx ****IdH**


	4. Chapter 4

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 4**

**O•••••O**

I pull my eyes away as soon as they land on _Isa_bella lest images of her that fateful night three years ago creep into my mind. I'm shocked the high and mighty Swan has yet to complain, and I wonder what I did wrong in my prior life to have to endure this punishment when she finally speaks up.

"_I_ certainly won't have a problem, sir." Her voice is laced with sugary sweet deceptiveness, and I struggle not to roll my eyes.

"Whatever you say, Captain," I mutter through clenched teeth. "If Carmen Sandiego can handle it, I can, too."

* * *

**A/N: Well... I at least answered one of I da Ho's questions. Did I raise anymore? Can't wait to find out why he's calling her Carmen Sandiego! Where in the world has she been? **

**xx  
HT**


	5. Chapter 5

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 5  
**

**O•••••O**

I ignore the way her ass sways beneath the tight cotton of her skirt as she leads the way out into the squad room. My traitorous cock on the other hand, seems to memorize every movement. He's totally getting spanked for that later. I chuckle under my breath at that play on words, earning me a glare from the bitch.

"Please, have a seat," I drawl after she plops her perfect derrière down at my desk.

"Thanks!" she says, smiling up at me. If it weren't for the fire in her dark brown eyes, I'd a thought she was flirting.

* * *

**A/N: I just ignored Tot's Carmen reference. I loved that show. Always wanted to go on it and do that geography race at the end.  
**

**Anyway...I just dated myself. **

**Like my use of French, IA?**

**It's so nice to see so many of you coming along for the ride!**

**MR ~**


	6. Chapter 6

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 6**

**O•••••O**

My chair creaks as all 180 frustrated pounds of me drops into the worn seat, my thighs tightening to hold the wheels still.

"Look, Bel—Isabella," I correct myself before I'm accused of using the overly familiar nickname. "I need this to go down right."

Did I imagine the split second of softness flickering over her features? Is it possible she might be a wee bit remorseful for the single black mark on my service record she helped me earn?

_She's the devil incarnate,_ I remind my idiotic heart. My eyes drop to the ever-present handcuffs clipped to her belt.

* * *

**A/N: I love that some of you assume this will have a plot! ****Have we told you readers lately how much we love you? ****Detective Cullen cock slaps for everyone!**

**XX I da Ho**


	7. Chapter 7

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 7**

**O•••••O**

Bella's eyes follow mine and she smiles softly. "I still think about that night sometimes. Do you?"

Unwanted images flash through my head: Bella wrapped in satiny white lace, a makeshift tiara made out of handcuffs on top of her head, a flickering Motel 6 light visible through the dank, dirty window as I threw my head over the edge of the bed and found my release.

"Not a chance in hell," I lie, "but the day we signed the annulment papers ranks first on my best-day-of-my-life list."

* * *

**A/N: Wait...WHUT? What just happened? Holy hyphens, Batman! There's a MURDER to solve! Get your head out of the gutter! What's up, MR?**

**xx  
HT**


	8. Chapter 8

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 8  
**

**O•••••O**

"You're such an asshole," she whispers as she looks down at the folder on the desk. I try to ignore the way her hands shake as she flips through the info on our case.

She's right…I am an asshole.

"According to the tox report, there was evidence of both GHB and marijuana in the victim's system. I'm thinking maybe it was date rape gone wrong."

Before she can say anything else, I reach across the battered surface of my desk and put my hand over hers. The feel of her skin takes my breath away.

"I'm sorry."

"No you're not."

* * *

**A/N: I was totally in bed..all bundled up, watching a Bones re-run on Hulu. Then Tot drops that epic bomb on us all! DAMN! I ran upstairs and fired up my laptop.  
**

**GHB is a central nervous system depressant used as an intoxicant (Thank you Wiki). It is known as the Date Rape Drug because it usually leaves its victims without any recollection of the night's events. Marijuana is also known as pot, reefer or Mary Jane. :-) **

**And so ends your recreational drug information section of the night!**

**I'm going back to bed! Take it I da HO!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 9**

**O•••••O**

Christ, maybe I'm not. Picking the scab off her wound offers a sick rush of pleasure. When exactly did I turn into _that _guy?

She jerks her hand out of my reach, drawing the open file into her lap, sending papers flying. Her knees spill open as she fights to gather everything back—including her temper.

"Damn!" she explodes, clearly annoyed at herself for letting me get to her.

I ease back in my chair and refocus on our case while she finishes arranging the pages.

"Sex?"

"_What_?" she croaks.

Jesus, fuck! Did she think it was a goddamn invitation?

* * *

**A/N: Just for the record, yes, we know date rape is ALWAYS something "gone wrong." *bops Momma on the head with a small frying pan* Have I mentioned this might not be entirely PC? **

**xx IdH**


	10. Chapter 10

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 10**

**O•••••O**

"Is there evidence that she was forced to have sex with someone? There might be DNA we can run," I explain.

"Oh, right." Bella flips through the file some more. "No sign of rape—that's good at least. It could be a coincidence, I guess. Here it is. COD is asphyxiation … looks like she was strangled with her own scarf."

"Here's a question. Why does Banner have us working on this? People in Chicago are murdered damn near every day. What makes this girl so special that he pulls both of us in on this?"

Bella continues to …

* * *

**A/N: I love your reviews. Hard. You guys make this so much fun:) Unfortunately, we can't answer most of your questions because we don't know the answers ourselves yet! This potato is tired and going to bed. See you guys tomorrow!**

**xx  
Hot Tot**


	11. Chapter 11

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 11**

**O•••••O**

…sort through the papers and pictures in the file.

"Her name is Victoria Wallace. Does that mean anything to you?" she asks, a hint of anger lacing her words.

"I've never fucked her, if that's what you're asking. Maybe she lied about her name, though. You'd know all about that, wouldn't you?" I spit back. She sighs hard and lets the folder drop to the desk.

"I don't want to fight. You refuse to listen to why I did what I did," she snarls, her delicate hands curling into fists. I've experienced firsthand how much damage those fists can do.

* * *

**A/N: So no piddle, E...sorry. :-) **

**Maybe they did do the deed but got an annulment for another reason!  
**

**Love all your comments! Remember we can't reply if you don't sign in (big pain in the hooha, I know!)**

**Mwah! Mother Russett**


	12. Chapter 12

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 12**

**O•••••O**

My phone suddenly blares, an angry yellow light flashing on the desk between us.

"Fuck, it's Banner," I mutter, my eyes drifting warily to the glass window of his office. Sure enough, he's got the phone to his head and his other hand on his hip, and he looks pissed as hell.

Isabella's slender finger presses the plastic button, and our eyes lock for one brief moment of shared purpose before she picks up the headset.

"Swan...yes, sir...yes, sir...sorry, sir..." Her eyes drift toward me on the apology, and she hangs up. "We're too loud."

"We always were," I smirk.

* * *

**A/N: I'm thinking it's time for these two to get the heck out of the station! DAY-ummm, Chayasara, I think you just wrote out outline, dude. Better watch out or we're gonna toss you the potato next! You seeing this, taters? Internal Affairs...another great title we could've used. *puts in pile with Crimes of Passion and Proven Guilty***

**XXX I da Ho**


	13. Chapter 13

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 13**

**O•••••O**

My cock twitches again when Bella looks down, her cheeks flushed pink. I curse myself for letting her have this effect on me.

I thought I'd put what happened between us behind me. I've accepted I'll never be over her. There's no getting over the passion and electricity we felt during that case...or that I felt at least.

It's clear now that whatever healing I thought had taken place was merely due to not being in her presence for the past two years.

All traces of embarrassed Bella are gone when her eyes meet mine again. "Too bad you'll never...

* * *

**A/N: I told myself I wasn't gonna post again until late tonight, but I clearly have no self-control. Loving your reviews and theories! Keep them coming!**

**Take it away, MR! xx ~ HT**


	14. Chapter 14

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 14**

**O•••••O**

...get to hear me sing my rendition of 'Billionaire' on this case. I'm sure there's not going to be a need for undercover," she coos, leaning forward just enough so I get a perfect glimpse down the front of her silky button-down shirt.

"Well, you never know," I rasp, clearing my throat as I quickly back away. "I never thought we'd end up at that dive bar singing karaoke when we were trying to break Volturi's drug ring, but that's what happened. Of course you were Bella Newton back then, not Isabella Swan, Commissioner Swan's only child and heir apparent."

* * *

**A/N: This is HARD! You all know we are not discussing the plot or anything. There are no chapters pre-written. When the potato before us posts, we write based on what they wrote. And it's HARD!  
**

**So a bit more info. Hope that's what you guys were thinking too!**

**MWAH! MR**


	15. Chapter 15

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 15**

**O•••••O**

She sighs heavily. "That old saw? Look, Edward, the way I see it, we have two choices. We can either get down to brass tacks on this homicide, or I can try for the millionth time to convince you that 'The Fig'"—I cringe at the very mention of the douchewad's name—"was not _ever_ my husband. Either way, it's gonna be a helluva lot more fun over dinner."

"I could eat."

A ghost of a smile crosses her rosy lips. "Let's blow."

I catch myself before my hand meets the small of her back when she stands to leave.

* * *

**A/N: SERIOUSLY, they need to get out of the station already! So...which is it gonna be, Hot? Detective work or lovers' spat? Or possibly make-up sex? Nah...it's WAY too early for that. Right? Hmm...I suddenly have a craving for a fig newton. XXX IdH**


	16. Chapter 16

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 16**

**O•••••O**

We reach my old beat-up Volvo, and my ingrained manners have me reaching for her door handle. Before I can open it, Bella's hand lands on my wrist.

"Listen," she says, a determined look on her face, "I admit you have several reasons not to like me, but Mike isn't one of them. I wasn't lying when I told you the only reason we were married was to hide the fact that he's gay. I should've told you, but it was so insignificant I never thought twice about it."

Sincerity drips from her voice and unconsciously I lean into her...

* * *

**A/N: Well, they made it to the car, da Ho! Seriously, we may be in trouble if I'm the sane one this go round! I had to sleep all night to wrap my brain around what to do next! Omg! What's he leaning into her to do, MR? And when are we gonna focus on the poor dead girl? **

**xx**

**HT**


	17. Chapter 17

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 17**

**O•••••O**

…side. The smell of her skin and the warmth of her hand on my bare flesh are so familiar and comforting, I realize she took a piece of my soul with her when she left all those years ago.

"You lied to me," I mumble, trying to remember why I was so angry.

"You refused to listen," she whispers. Somehow I maneuver us so she's pressed against the side of the car. My hands wrap around the subtle flare of her hips, as hers find their way to my shoulders. She licks her luscious lips and looks up at me.

* * *

**A/N: Dead girl? Who cares about the dead girl?! I say they get it on!  
**

**Can you tell which one of us is horny? :-)**

**Take it, I da Ho!**

**Mwah! MR**


	18. Chapter 18

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 18**

**O•••••O**

Flames lick their way up my thighs, gathering heat in my groin, blazing through my belly and chest. My vision blurs and all I see is lips.

"I'm listening now," I manage.

I take a deep breath, like a man about to dive deep under water, and I swear there's a sizzle when our lips meet.

Her fingers slide beneath my cap and tug at my hair, and my cock stands up like a marionette on a tight string.

I pull back, panting. My body has voted...and won. "Looks like that corpse'll have to keep."

"That's what coroners are for."

* * *

**A/N: Paging Dr. Quincy...can you tear him away from Rollerella, Momma? Okay, I did not Bannerblock them...yet...but, dude, work quickly. It's quittin' time at the precinct and they're mashing in the parking lot! xxx IdH**


	19. Chapter 19

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 19**

**O•••••O**

Thrusting my hips against her belly, I lean down and nip just below her ear. "My place okay?"

Bella's teeth sink into her swollen lip as she peeks over her shoulder into my backseat. A small smile appears on her face as she quirks her eyebrow.

"Still an exhibitionist I see."

"Hurry," she laughs, turning. "My dad'll flip if he sees us...he's not exactly your biggest fan."

But her words strike a nerve.

"He's not _my_ biggest fan?" I seethe. "Did you not tell Daddy dearest what _you_ did to make me quit that case and effectively ruin my career?"

* * *

**A/N: *ducks from flying tomatoes* Come on guys... someone has to be the voice of reason around here. Besides, think how much better it'll be when they wait more than twenty minutes before jumping into bed together! Love the reviews! Keep them coming ladies!**

***hides from MR***

**xx  
HT**


	20. Chapter 20

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 20  
**

**O•••••O**

She moves out of my embrace so quickly, I barely have time to brace myself on the roof of the car.

"What _I _did?" she sneers, planting her dangerous fists on her hips. "Oh, that's right! I forgot…I was the one who shot your toe off."

She's walking on thin ice now, and she knows it.

"I didn't shoot my toe off," I growl, enunciating every word. "I took a bullet to the foot trying to keep you safe. How was I supposed to know you already called for back-up?"

"It's because you never listen to me!" she screams loudly.

* * *

**A/N: I was going to have him whip it out and jerk it all over her shoes...but no. I wouldn't do that. :-)  
**

**There ya go, da Ho! Back on PLOT!**

**Sorry guys...I wanted sex too. :-(**

**MR**


	21. Chapter 21

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 21**

**O•••••O**

"_Listen_?!" I snarl, "with the two of us bound naked face-to-face from the nipples down and our ankles handcuffed together? Sue me, but shooting the cuffs clean off seemed like a fine solution at the time!"

I'm shaking with frustration, but she's equally agitated. "Do you honestly think I would've tied us up that way without palming my pager and the handcuff key?"

"You were deep undercover...we hadn't spoken to each other in eight weeks. How could I know anything?"

Her face twists. "You were supposed to trust me. Instead, the perps got away while you stood there and bled."

* * *

**A/N: So...we have established why she did what she did, why he shot at his foot to save her, why he got in a bit of trouble for it, and why writing like this is an all-around terrible idea. Don't try this at home, folks! And now, PUH-LEEZ, can they please GTFO of the parking lot?**

**Love, **

**IdH**


	22. Chapter 22

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 22**

**O•••••O**

Sighing, I reach around Bella and yank open the car door. "Get in."

"Excuse me? Do you really think I'm going with you now? I thought you'd finally understood I was forced to lie to you. That didn't mean my feelings weren't real. Clearly you're just as bull-headed now as you were then," she huffs, crossing her arms.

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I speak slowly. "Get. In. The fucking. Car, Bella. Whatever problems we have can wait. There's a dead girl out there, and I want to eat a fucking gordita while we figure out who killed her."

* * *

**A/N: I agree with Les, for every question IdH answeredm, she raised ten more! So I just ignored them all and sent them on their merry way to Taco Bell! Live Mas, peeps!**

**Hot Tot out!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 23**

**O•••••O**

"You've got some salsa…no it's on your chin…" Bella finally stops trying to direct me and reaches across the table, wiping away the offending condiment. Her prissy salad sits nearly untouched in front of her, while I've managed to down four soft tacos and two gorditas in the five minutes since we arrived at the 'Bell.

"Thanks," I say softly, watching her cheeks turn pink.

"No problem," she sighs, pushing tomatoes around in her bowl.

"You want to head to the morgue after this?" I ask. She nods and I hope I'll be able to hold down my massive dinner.

* * *

**A/N: What says 'back on track' better than puke?  
**

**So they're going to the morgue. Awesome. Back to the dead girl. **

**Your reviews are just...fabulous! We're so damn excited you are still with us. This non-crack stuff is much harder to keep track of! And I tell you what, if we make it through this without having killed each other, nothing will be able to break us up! *big freaking heart*  
MR**


	24. Chapter 24

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 24**

**O•••••O**

The coroner's face appears in the square window, and he pushes his glasses up high on his nose before opening the door for us.

"Hey, man," I grunt, seeing that he doesn't extend a hand.

"Hi, Quince," Bella offers brightly.

He turns shyly to my partner, and his face heats up like a jack-o'-lantern sporting a brand new candle. "Hey, Bella."

His eyes cruise the white tile floor while I'm talking. "We're working the Wallace case. Got the autopsy report?"

"Oh...sure...be right back," he fumbles and slips away to his office.

"He's totally into you," I whisper.

"I heard he...

* * *

**A/N: If you haven't read Kitkat681's _Down and Derby_, now would be a good time to catch up! He's a coroner, and he wears glasses...so yeah. Too bad she doesn't get first crack at this one, though. It's all yours, Hot!**

**xxx ~IdH**


	25. Chapter 25

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 25**

**O•••••O**

_"I heard he..."_

"...dresses the corpses in his dead mother's clothes, but only the men. I don't think I have the right equipment for him," Bella giggles.

I can't help the unattractive guffaw that escapes, and I remember how easy it is between us when we aren't jumping down each other's throats.

Unfortunately, she's right...after all the lies, it's just too hard to trust her, but still...

"Hey, how about a truce? I can behave if you can."

Smiling, Bella holds out her pinky to me. "Deal."

Hooking mine through hers I mutter, "It'd also help if you'd stop being so damn sexy."

* * *

**A/N: A real truce? I hope so, but I guess we'll see. Otherwise these two may never solve the case ... Or get it on. Bah! Who am I kidding? Angry sex is f-hot! Happy last day of February everybody! Love your reviews! They make me smile so hard!**

**xx ~ HT**


	26. Chapter 26

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 26**

**O•••••O**

I'm still holding Bella's pinky in mine when the Doc comes back in.

"Cause of death was asphyxiation. Ligature marks on the throat point to a silk scarf as your murder weapon. Trace found some high-end silk threads on her flesh, so either your victim had good taste, or your killer likes to bring along his own fancy gear."

I slowly release my hold on the only woman I'll ever love and look over at the coroner.

"Thanks for your opinion, but I'd like to see the body just the same," I say with a smirk.

"Suit yourself," he sighs.

* * *

**A/N: Really Tot? He dresses up dead people? Mean! I may just have to find some handsome rugby player and make him a porn star or something! :-)**

**Take it, Da HO!**


	27. Chapter 27

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 27**

**O•••••O**

Bella leans slightly into my body when Dr. Quincelophoulos begins sliding back the white sheet, and I firm up my stance to support her. The doctor notices her subtle shift and pauses.

"Y'okay, detective?" His voice is gentle, soothing.

"I'm..." she starts.

I know Bella is berating herself for her weakness right now, so I finish for her. "It's been a while since we've worked homicide, but my partner is fine."

Bella smiles determinedly and nods, and the grim reaper yanks the sheet away quickly. The body is a complex map of incisions, but clearly our victim was a looker.

* * *

**A/N: That's LOOKER, not HOOKER-just clarifying. No vomit yet...but the smell must be, ugh, never mind.**

**You're IT, Hot Tot!**

**xx IDH**


	28. Chapter 28

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 28**

**O•••••O**

Whatever the good doctor's extracurricular activities, he's clearly damn good at his job because everything we find corroborates his assessment. We complete our inspection quickly and hightail it out of there before my chicken gorditas have a chance to make a reappearance.

I drop Bella off at the station, and we exchange an awkward goodbye before I head home with a sudden change in plans. Looks like the Dawson/Pacey/Joey love-triangle will have to wait. The only activity on my agenda the rest of the night is buffing my banana while picturing myself sliding between Bella's luscious twin cantaloupes.

* * *

**A/N: What's that? Hot Tot doesn't know jack shit about solving a crime, you say? You would be correct. Good thing I made these two detectives. . **

**FTR... I love Glasses. He's one of my faves. I also love boy love:)**

**xx ~ HT**


	29. Chapter 29

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 29**

**O•••••O**

"Bella," my breathless gasp is stolen in the relentless pounding of the shower. Hot water beats down on my tense shoulders as my palm glides easily up and down my throbbing cock. My eyes are closed, memories of Bella playing like snapshots in my mind. My balls draw up tight against my body and I concentrate the motion of my hand along the now sensitive head of my cock. Fingers cupped around the tip, I picture Bella waiting for my load on her knees, mouth open, eyes wide.

I swear I go blind for a few minutes as I come.

* * *

**A/N: Remember when I said I was the horny one? Yeah...still horny. Sorry.  
**

**And I was just kidding Tot on her Glasses/Quincyward love. She knows I know she loves that awkward fucker.**

**Um...Da Ho? You wanna handle the afterglow?**


	30. Chapter 30

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 30**

**O•••••O**

_Bella_.

For a full minute after my alarm blares, I fight through my early morning post-dream fog.

_Did I dream it, or did I kiss her yesterday?_

_Did I dream it, or did she suggest fucking in the backseat of my Volvo?_

_Did I dream it, or will I really see her in..._FUCK! Twenty minutes?

I don't touch the razor or the styling goop; she always liked me scruffy, and I'm hopeful her fingers will be rambling through my hair before the day is over.

I don't touch my dick again either; I'm definitely saving the next one for Bella.

* * *

**A/N: Skip the glow, the dead girl's not getting any fresher! You're up, HT!**

**xx IDH**


	31. Chapter 31

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 31**

**O•••••O**

My eyes flicker around the station as I head toward my desk. I'd heard Bella was back in town but didn't know for sure until our unexpected reunion yesterday, so I have no idea where she's sitting. I don't have to wonder long because I spy her as soon as I round the corner.

She's sitting at my desk…in my chair…going through my drawer.

Awesome.

Bella knows how OCD I am about my things, but in the spirit of our truce, and the hopes of _actually_ fucking her in my backseat, I bite my tongue and approach with a smile.

* * *

**A/N: This was actually the second version I wrote for this chapter... I told IdH I really wanted them to get it on after MR's hot self-lovin' and came up with the following, but it was only 99 words so I had to scrap it... (Tho really - our way is much better... I'm thinking if we can write at least a six chapter lemon! Unfity unf!)**

_Walking into the station, a man approaches me and confesses to killing Victoria. Immediately, I turn him over to Banner, grab Bella's hand, and haul ass back to my place. Within twenty minutes, I'm buried balls-deep inside of her and my head board is banging against the wall. _

_Her nails dig into my back as she pulls me closer and with a well-placed bite to her nipple combined with a hip swivel that would keep a hula hoop up, Bella clenches around me and screams my name. Finally, I chase my own release before collapsing on top of her._

**I also considered just copying and pasting part of our conversation from tonight as my chapter but my life was threatened. Fiesty potatoes!**

**xx  
HT**


	32. Chapter 32

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 32**

**O•••••O**

"Comfortable?" I growl in her ear, bending down and catching a contact high from her scent. She jumps, her hand going to her chest and my eyes go to the deep neckline of her shirt.

Fuck me, she's wearing lace.

"You scared me," she hisses, and I can tell by the sudden flush on her cheeks, I wasn't the only one re-living our past while getting off. Of course, thinking about her with her hand down her panties and my name on her lips gets me hard.

"So…I heard we got another body," I mumble, trying to stay on track.

* * *

**A/N: GAH! How do I follow that fabulous twofer?  
**

**I throw in another body of course!**

**Classic KK right there. Just need someone shitting in a bucket and we're set!**

**I was totally half-asleep when my phone pinged that this was up. But I couldn't sleep knowing this was waiting for me.**

**Sorry, Da Ho!**


	33. Chapter 33

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 33**

**O•••••O**

"Oh ...yeah ...a girl named Tanya Denali." She side-eyes me, and I throw my hands up in frustration.

"Jesus, Bella, do you honestly think I've slept with every girl in Chicago?"

"No, I..." she shrinks back, and my hands find my hips.

"What were you looking for in there, anyway?"

Suddenly, she's defensive ...and blushing. She knows my powers of interrogation are nearly superhuman, and I watch her shoulders sag in resignation.

"Remember that picture you used to keep on your desk?"

Of course, I do. "No."

She sputters, "The day we got engaged?"

Happiest day of my damn life.

* * *

**A/N: No shitting in buckets on my watch! Aww, somebody's getting sentimental. **

**Okay, Hot Tot. No more rubbernecking! We have a crime to solve!**

**xx IdH**


	34. Chapter 34

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 34**

**O•••••O**

"Of course I remember it, Bella," I say, running my hands through my hair. "It's not exactly the easiest picture to look at, so I put it away."

Bella nods infinitesimally before standing and gesturing for me to take my seat.

Grabbing the files on my desk, I plop down in my visitors chair and shake my head. "Keep it. I'll catch up on the new girl. Why don't you get online and Google both victims, Facebook accounts, whatever you can think of to see how they're linked. Sometimes that shit is more helpful than anything official we have here."

* * *

**A/N: **** word. **

**Take it, MR!**


	35. Chapter 35

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 35**

**O•••••O**

"I have no idea why the hell we were assigned this case," Bella sighs as she maneuvers her way through the dead girls' social network accounts. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram…the list goes on and on. "What the fuck is Pintrest?"

"I don't fucking know. I bet it's just another way for the government to monitor your life," I bitch as I compare the coroner reports of the two victims. Dr. Quincelophoulos left a bright orange post-it stating the cause of death, trace findings and wound patterns are identical to our first dead girl.

"Looks like we might have a serial killer."

* * *

**A/N: I have a Pintrest account...I have no fucking clue what the whole thing is about. I am also clueless on the Instagram thing. Oh well...guess that means I'm getting old. **

**Serial killer, huh? Hide your Frosted Flakes!**

**Go for it, Da HO!**


	36. Chapter 36

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 36**

**O•••••O**

"Aces," Bella answers. "Hey, Edward...take a look at this!"

More than happy to leave the gruesome pictures behind, I hop out of my seat and lean over Bella's shoulder.

"Jeez! What the hell, Bella?" I close my eyes—tight—but the image is burned onto my retina.

"Sorry," she snorts. "I forgot how much that bothers you."

I huff, "It would bother any hot-blooded, heterosexual male. Gah! Why'd you do that to me?"

"Oh, get back here, ya big baby. Look beyond the penises a second."

I give her a long, scathing glance. "Fine. What'm I looking at here?"

* * *

**A/N: What could Bella have discovered on FB, where penises and dead girls abound? And woops there goes your slash theory, Hot!**

**xx**

**IDH**


	37. Chapter 37

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 37**

**O•••••O**

Bella's finger points to the bound man's face and wrists. "Here. And here. Don't they match the color of the threads Dr. Q found?"

Leaning in for closer inspection, I have to admit she's right. How the fuck she caught that with everything else going on in that picture is beyond me.

"It's definitely a possibility, but it's kind of a stretch to assume it's the murder weapon isn't it?"

"Not when this picture was posted in a BDSM group both girls frequent to promote kinky sex toys."

"Fuck me," I mutter. "I need to join better groups on Facebook."

* * *

**A/N: why's it always gotta come back to penises, da Ho? *remembers your name*. Oh yeah... never mind. **

**Sorry for the delay, peeps. I've been eating bacon. Excuse me while I go have a heart attack. #atleastI'lldiehappy**

**xx ~ HT**


	38. Chapter 38

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 38**

**O•••••O**

"So aside from the fact that apparently our killer swings both ways and our victims are both slutbags who like to stick fake wangs up their vertical smiles, what the fuck did we just learn?" I sigh.

I know I shouldn't be taking my frustration out on Bella, but between the fucking sexual tension and constant memories of happier times in my life, I'm one giant bundle of pissed off.

"We _learned_," she drawls, leaving the 'asshole' out, "that our killer is probably the man who tied this very sexy and well hung boy up."

Oh. Well, that makes sense.

* * *

**A/N: I wish I was in a bacon coma like Tot is. If you missed her crazy chapter before this one...go back and read it. The hickory smoke went to her browser and it timed out on her.  
**

**Vertical smile...google is a WEALTH of information! **

**Makes sense, does it? **

**Go for it, da Ho!**


	39. Chapter 39

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 39**

**O•••••O**

"Cullen! Swan! My office!"

Banner sweeps past, the Commissioner and Mayor flanking him with brisk, efficient strides. Bella and I fall in behind the entourage, sharing a meaningful glance as the Captain closes the door behind us.

"Daddy?" Bella starts, "what's happened?"

Charlie's concerned expression tells the story of a man who loves his city and its people. His eyes shift to me, and he nods. "Edward," he says warmly.

"Sir, good to see you again...well, not under these circumstances."

"There's been another murder," the Commissioner supplies.

Banner takes charge. "You two, consider yourselves glued together until this is solved."

* * *

**A/N: It's not easy to follow slutbags and fake wangs, but when in doubt, toss another body onto the pile! OH, and now they're GLUED! WOO HOO! And it looks like Charlie wasn't all that pleased to give up his son-in-law. Suh-weet! All yours, Hot, if your bacon coma has passed? **

**XXX IDH**


	40. Chapter 40

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 40**

**O•••••O**

Bella and I spend the rest of the day familiarizing ourselves with Jane Vulture and Heidi Hansinaugh only to find a small kink in our prior theory.

Heidi wasn't a member of the Extreme Restraints Facebook group.

The girls were found on opposite sides of town, but evidence suggests the victims were together at time of death and relocated after, so the group's members remain on our suspect list. Unfortunately, Heidi seems to have just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Bella looks completely drained, and I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and say…

* * *

**A/N: One body? I took your one body and raised you! WTF is going on here? Extreme, indeed...**

**MR's up...and she's been drinking...and is injured. This could get good or bad...**

**MWAH. **

**xx  
Hot Tot**


	41. Chapter 41

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 41**

**O•••••O**

"I'm thinking we may have to go undercover before anyone else gets hurt."

Bella whips her head up and stares at me.

"Are you _serious_? After what happened last time?" she snaps, fear and disbelief in her voice.

"You want to just wait around until another body shows up? We've already had a visit from dear daddy and the mayor. If another dead girl gets wheeled into the morgue, we might be kissing our jobs goodbye!" I shout, wondering when she got so damn meek.

Then it hits me.

All the murder victims are women that fit Bella's general description.

* * *

**A/N: Dun dun dunnnnn!  
**

**Yeah...I closed my finger in my Total Gym. Crush injury. Hurts like a mofo. I'm medicating with wine...it's all good but that is why this chapter is later than I usually like. 20 minutes...that's my goal. Sorry y'all.  
**

**So yeah...undercover into the bondage scene...who better to take it than da HO!**

**MR**


	42. Chapter 42

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 42**

**O•••••O**

"Bella..."

She pulls her lower lip between her teeth and searches my eyes for answers I can't give, but there is one thing I can promise.

"It's gotta be you; you know that. But know this, too: I've got your back."

My hand finds her cheek, and she grasps my wrist and turns into the comforting gesture. My heart twists.

I can't believe we have to put her on the front lines again. I vow to do better this time. There won't be a margin for error.

"Think we can do this?" she questions softly.

I answer without hesitation. "Yes."

* * *

**A/N: Hold your horses there, MR...these two need a "moment."**

**Mmmkay...they're ready now!**

**xxx ~IDH**


	43. Chapter 43

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 43**

**O•••••O**

I pray my voice doesn't reveal the fear I feel deep in the pit of my stomach. If there's one thing I've learned from our fucked-up past, it's not to doubt Bella. She's the best there is...period.

My hand moves of its own volition to drop to her neck. I stop breathing when she closes her eyes and leans toward me. "Edward," she sighs.

"Bella," I choke out, my voice laden with lust. Suddenly, her eyes flash open and she's crawling into my lap, pressing her soft lips against mine.

When she finally pulls away, she breathes, "Take me home?"

* * *

**A/N: Who else hopes MR is still horny? *raises hand*. Meeee!**

**You guys rock and I've been an epic fail on review replies this weekend. I'll try to catch up today! Looooots of love!**

**xx ~ HT**


	44. Chapter 44

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 44**

**O•••••O**

"Tell me you're mine," I whisper harshly against the delicate skin of her throat. Bella groans as I push my fingers into her panties. We barely made it inside the door of my apartment before our mouths were joined.

"I'm yours," she cries, her head slamming against the wall behind her as I press one, then two fingers inside her.

"Only death will keep you from me again," I growl. With one quick movement I have my pants off and her skirt pushed up past her hips. Her panties are eased to the side and I slide into her heat.

* * *

**A/N: Of course MR is still horny! And I'm sorry for the delay...it's been harder to adapt to nine fingers than I thought it'd be. In a word, it cucks.  
**

**Take it, da HO!**

**MR**


	45. Chapter 45

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 45**

**O•••••O**

"Edward!"

My eyelids burst open. My breath is escaping in choppy gusts, and I can barely focus on her frantic expression. If she's about to push me away, it's going to be painful—for more reasons than one. "What?"

"Remember...?"

Remember _what_? My mind is completely blank. I'm not sure I remember my own name right now.

Slowly, deliberately, she lifts her arms high above her head, grasping her wrists together tightly against the wall.

"Fuck, Bella! Need the cuffs?"

"Just hold me," she answers.

I close my hand over her wrists, keeping her dangerous hands away from my junk.

* * *

**A/N: Surely, you haven't forgotten her "dangerous fists" from chapter 11? I figure maybe she junk-punches him when she orgasms, unless she's properly restrained. Carry on, Hot!**

**xx ~IDH**


	46. Chapter 46

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 46**

**O•••••O**

Wrapping my other arm around her waist, I bury my face in her neck and start sliding in and out of her. She feels like Heaven wrapped around my cock—wet and warm and so tight.

I moan, realizing—hoping—Bella hasn't been with anyone else since we've been apart. I'm dangerously close to coming after just a few strokes, but there's no way I'm not getting her off first.

Bella groans when I slip out of her, but when I drop to my knees and cover her pussy with my mouth, she grips my hair and pulls me closer.

* * *

**A/N: So... I'm thinking we can drag this lemon out for several chapters... What say you, MR?****  
**

**xx ~ HT**


	47. Chapter 47

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 47**

**O•••••O**

The taste of her is at once brand new and achingly familiar. Her hands fist my hair, guiding my mouth and tongue exactly where she wants me. I'm powerless to do anything but obey and bring her pleasure.

"So long," she sighs. The longing in her voice brings my eyes up to meet hers. Though it's hard not to stare at her breasts as they threaten to fall out of her sexy-as-hell lace bra, I bypass her boobies and look into her dark brown eyes.

"You're the only one," I mumble, not taking my lips from her sweet pussy.

* * *

**A/N: I think we might be able to accomplish that, Tot!  
**

**You got any handcuffs lying in hall tables, da Ho?**

**MR**


	48. Chapter 48

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 48**

**O•••••O**

Bella's thighs tighten and quake under my hands. Beyond her gorgeous face, twisted in near-orgasmic pleasure, her fists clench into treacherous artillery.

Old habits die hard, especially when the junk is threatened. Without slowing my tongue's pace, I snap my fingers sharply. Bella instantly responds by dropping her hands by her sides, where I pin her to the wall once again just before scraping my teeth along her sensitive nub.

"Yes, baby, yes! Just like that!" she screams, thrashing her head side to side.

My cock aches to have her, but he's waited two years; one more orgasm won't matter.

* * *

**A/N: You guys left the fists unattended! *smh* You want Officer Cullen's equipment compromised?**

**Don't worry, dear readers. I da has her eye on the ball(s). **

**xx ~IDH**


	49. Chapter 49

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 49**

**O•••••O**

After slurping up every bit of juice she offers, I release Bella's hands and swiftly scoop her up and carry her to the bed. She giggles in her post-orgasmic haze as she bounces and I stalk toward her like a lion about to devour its prey.

"Fucking hell, you're so damn sexy, woman" I growl, nipping her tittie between my teeth. She claws at my back trying to pull me closer, and my cock slips back inside her wet pussy just as my mouth finds hers.

I bury myself to the hilt before pulling back and setting a relentless pace.

* * *

**A/N: I left the fists unattended b/c his junk was outta reach, da Ho! Trust... I wouldn't let anything hurt that area;)**

**How long can he last, MR? You're famous for pre-ejaculation...and he's already lasted longer than some of your Edwards! lol**

**xx ~ HT**


	50. Chapter 50

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 50  
**

**O•••••O**

The smell of Bella's arousal and our mingling sweat is all around me as I slide my arms under her legs, moaning when her knees settle perfectly over my elbows. I'm so deep inside her; I may never find my way out.

"I'm coming," she whimpers, those ball-mangling hands of hers tangling in the thick iron of my headboard above her.

I somehow manage to peel my eyelids open so I can watch as her orgasm overtakes her. The tilt of her chin as she throws her head back...the flush of her skin as the blood rushes to the surface.

* * *

**A/N: Premature ejaculation? ME? *giggles* Tot knows me well.  
**

**I figured I needed to let da Ho have some more fun...so she can handle his orgasm.**

**Blow his mind, Ho!**

**MR**


	51. Chapter 51

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 51**

**O•••••O**

"Fucking hot, B!" My voice is as tight as her inner walls spasming around me.

Her eyes roll back as I thrust, deep and slow, just the way she likes it. Her hands leave their voluntary prison, and she squeezes my ass—hard. My eyes widen in fear, but I can't stop pumping into her. "You're not gonna—?"

She grins. "_Three_? You're kind of full of yourself, aren't you?"

I smirk right back. "No, babe. YOU'RE..._grunt_...KIND OF..._grunt, grunt_...FULL...OF ME!"

Gone is her playful smile, wiped right off her face. She clasps her ankles behind me and squeezes me forward.

* * *

**A/N: Not me! It's all yours, Hot!**

**Dear readers, WANT TO BE AN HONORARY HOT POTATO? **

**We'll be offering a "Guest Potato" spot some time tomorrow, and don't worry-we'll hit the pause button and leave about 18 hours so everyone in different time zones can give it a try. We'll give you the details then, but basically, you write a 100-word drabble and PM it to our account. The three of us will vote and use the winning entry as our next potato chapter, while the rest will be displayed in the a/n below.**

**So, fire up your keyboards...**

**xxx ~IDH**


	52. Chapter 52

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 52**

**O•••••O**

My balls slap against Bella's ass as my cock becomes completely sheathed. Bella's legs hold me against her, preventing me from sliding out for the friction I desperately need as she slips her hand between us. Before I can beg her to let me move, she brings her wet fingers around my ass and slips one finger inside me, pressing against a gloriously magical spot while her pussy clamps down on my cock.

The sensation hits me out of nowhere. Tingles shoot from my prostrate straight to my cock as the most intense orgasm ever takes over my body.

"RAAHHHH!"

* * *

**A/N: *glares at Ho* She left me no choice but to go in the back door! At least he finally got his. What's next, MR? Cuddle time? Awkward post-coital? A new body? Does dear daddy interrupt? Does Edward ask where Bella picked up the new move? Oh the possibilities are endless!**

**This potato has a busy day...I may not be able to update again so if not, good luck and have fun writing for the guest spot! We are so excited to read your entries. And not being a writer is not an excuse! 100 words is easy;) BAHAHA. **

**Xx ~ HT**


	53. Chapter 53

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 53**

**O•••••O**

It takes a few minutes before I can form a coherent sentence. Of course, when I do finally open my mouth, I instantly regret it.

"You stuck your finger up my ass."

For a second the room is quiet, then...

"That right there is why I love you," Bella squeals amidst plentiful giggles.

I turn on my side and look at her, not all that surprised by her revelation.

"You love me, eh?" I drawl, running the tip of my finger over her jaw.

"You know I do," she sighs dramatically, swatting at my hand.

"The feeling is mutual, doll."

* * *

**A/N: From ass-fingering to ILY...sounds about right!  
**

**You guys thinking about what you're going to write? I'm thinking we'll hit pause soon!**

**SO excited to see what you come up with!**

**MR**


	54. Chapter 54

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 54**

**O•••••O**

A long string of sticky cum snaps back against my belly as she rolls out of my arms.

"_That_ was super gross," she giggles.

"Well," I reflect without cracking a smile, "Banner did say he wants us glued together."

"Eww!" Bella smacks my chest. "And thanks for bringing up our boss while your spunk is all over me."

"Any time," I mumble contentedly. "And I do mean...ANY time, babe."

"Okay, you," she says, pretending to be irritated. "I guess we better get ourselves cleaned up and do some actual police work?"

Fifteen minutes later, we're in front of my laptop.

* * *

**A/N: And...PAUSE! ****TIME FOR A GUEST POTATO SPOT!**

**Here are the "rules":**

•100 words exactly, not counting the headings, using EPOV, present tense

•PM our ThreeHotPotatoes fanfic account with your entry before 8 am EST tomorrow (Wednesday)

•All entries will be displayed in an a/n below the one we select, unless you indicate otherwise on your entry.

•We hope you'll play along. Drabbling is SO MUCH FUN!

**OKAY...let's see what you girls got!**

**xxx**

**IDH**


	55. Chapter 55- Guest Potato

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 55**

**O•••••O**

**(Submitted by EAMCSquared)**

We log on to Facebook and create a new account for Bella. Before joining the Extreme Restraints group, we need to make sure that her profile will entice the potential suspect into contacting her.

I take a picture of Bella with her hair all mussed from our wall romp and a post-coital glow on her face to use on her profile. Now, on to her new on-line alias.

"Jesus Christ, Edward! You think making my name Ivana Humpalot and listing as my hobby 'Really hot sex while handcuffed so I don't junk punch you' is going to attract our perp?"

* * *

**A/N: WOW! We were SUPER impressed, ladies. As you can see, there are MANY great options. We nearly made ourselves into whipped potatoes duking it out, but in the end, we felt that EAMCSquared perfectly captured the essence of the...never mind. The profile pic is gonna be epic! The hobby...yes. ENTICING, indeed! Well done, E! **

**Here are the rest, each one highly entertaining in its own way. We got so excited when each new one came through, pondering (BUT NOT DISCUSSING) where the story might go with each lead. Please leave a little love in your reviews for all the entrants. Thank you all, especially the ones who popped their drabble cherries right here! **

_**Take it, Hot Tot!**_

* * *

**From CullensTwiMistress:  
**We're at the kitchen table, a laptop perched upon it, as Bella sits on my knee, her fingers running over the keyboard. "So we know they were all part of this sex ring," she assesses.

"And we know it was some kinky stuff going on in that underground club," I confirm.

"Okay, so all I need to do is get in there and find out who's in charge." Bella clicks on the pictures from the Facebook page and goes through them one by one looking for clues as to who she has to go through to infiltrate.**  
**

**From ilive2read:  
**It's very hard to concentrate on trying to find the link between these women and their killer or killers while watching my woman scratching her belly. I guess I should have let her take a shower after our extracurricular activities, because now she is peeling strips of my dried up man juice off of her beautiful stomach.

She catches me watching and raises those fists of torture and threatens my love apples. With a pathetic whine thinking of what I could be doing I, instead, turn back to the computer.

Wait I think I see a small connection right there!

**From Alterite:  
**"To Detective Cullen and Detective Swan at Chicago PD, from The Kinky Riddler," Bella reads. "This is your clue, Chicago PD.

'_I get laid in the alley, I often end up in the middle of your split, when your fingers slip inside of me, I'm ready to go.'_

Find me there before midnight or another one dies."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"That 'Kinky Riddler' is the most ridiculous name for a serial killer, ever? Yes, absolutely."

"No, Bella! The alley, that's where the first body was found! And a split, they might be gymnasts!"

Bella scoffs at me.

**From Daphodill:  
**"What are we looking for, exactly?" I ask, scrolling through the photos from the coroner's office.

Bella faces me, rolling her eyes. My button-down slips from her shoulder as she moves. "Clues, dumbass. A pattern. They all look alike, are into BDSM, but what else? What has our perp taken from them..."

"Besides their lives?" I mumble into her bare shoulder.

Abruptly, Bella leaves the seat we're sharing, leaving my cotton-clad lap bereft.

For someone who just professed her love for me no less than twenty minutes ago, she sure is being bitchy. Maybe she needs some more _Vitamin E._

**From Poppyanna:  
**"Go back, let me see that picture again."

As she leans on the table, chin in hand and clicks through the crime scene pictures from her place on my lap, it's like we've never been apart, and yet she feels so new to me.

"Hmm..okay, I thought I recognised the scarf but I don't."

Leaning into her and kissing her temple, I close my eyes and get lost in the memory or our past declarations and wonder if we'll last the distance this time.

"I wonder if it got too much for them, working the streets for Jasper Hale."

**From Postapocalypticdepository:  
**It's already on and waiting to boot.

I am still coming down off my high of finally getting her back.

As I stand behind her, she sits and waits.

I can't help myself; I just have to "kiss-lick" her...from temple, to cheek, to jaw, to chin, down her neck, and across her chest until my nose is nestled in lace-cradled boobery.

"Mmmmmm. Oh, how I missed you girls."

"Ahem!"

"Well, it looks like you haven't missed them that much, Edward. What the hell is that on your screen?"

"Oh shit!"

How on earth am I going to justify my wallpaper?

**From AnakinSmom:  
**It's amazing what can be accomplished in 15 minutes in the shower. We saved time and water showering together.

"We have 4 bodies, similar COD in each case and links to a BDSM FB page for a couple of the girls. That's not a lot to go on."

"No it isn't unless you count the fact that they all fit my general description," Bella says with a worried look on her face. "What do you think my FB identity should be when I join that group?"

"WHAT?" I'm thinking this idea of undercover work is a big mistake.

**From Garddita17:  
**"I can't believe THAT'S your screen saver," she says while peering over my shoulder.

I can't believe I didn't think to change it, but I guess I've been pleasantly distracted by her reappearance in my life.

"I told you I still love you. I wanted to see your "O" face every day and remember it was me that put it there," I tell her.

She doesn't seem very impressed with this bit of information.

"Yeah well," she mutters while pulling her cell phone from her pocket. "Want to see _my_ wallpaper?"

Yep, it's my sexy face. Aren't we a pair?


	56. Chapter 56

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 56**

**O•••••O**

I grin at Bella and shrug my shoulders. "Fine. Ivana may be a bit over the top, but you're keeping the hobby. Maybe he'll think twice before trying to force himself on you," I mutter.

"Uhh…I thought that was kind of the point? And why are you assuming the killer is a 'he'?" she questions, with a quirk of her eyebrow. "What if we're looking for a woman?"

My mouth opens. Then closes again. And then opens again.

Huh. What if we are looking for a woman? If we're right about this kinky killer, it fits even better given no...**  
**

* * *

**A/N: Woo hoo! Thanks for leaving me such a great setup, EAMC! What's this? A woman killer? WHO KNOWS!**

**Do you, MR?**

**xx  
HT**


	57. Chapter 57

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 57**

**O•••••O**

…signs of sexual assault have been found.

"If it's a woman, then what the hell is her motive?" I ponder. Bella looks up as I suddenly push away from the table and start pacing around the living room.

I always pace when I'm thinking.

"It's pretty obvious, actually," Bella mumbles, her voice barely carrying over my internal thoughts.

"Enlighten me, oh beautiful one." She turns a sweet shade of pink as she meets my eyes.

"She was probably jealous."

Huh…that makes sense. But what's up with Bella's blush?

"Hell, I know I've been tempted to strangle your former lovers."

Bingo.

* * *

**A/N: A woman killer? I guess maybe...who knows! Da Ho? You know?  
**

**What do you know, I da Ho? **

**Sorry...hopped up on cold medicine. **

**MWAH! MR**


	58. Chapter 58

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 58**

**O•••••O**

I pull up a chair next to Bella and lean over my knees. "Profile her for me, B."

Her focus lifts to the blank wall over my shoulder, and my heart thrills. Bella Swan at her crime-solving best is a sight to behold.

"Judging from the victims' descriptions, I'd say our perp is a woman in her late thirties, single or possibly divorced, hopelessly romantic in the truest sense, harboring unrequited feelings for a man who may have expressed an interest in one or more of the victims."

"So she's killing them all off, hoping he'll choose her by default?"

* * *

**A/N: Isn't that how it works? All yours, Hottie!**

**xx ~IDH**


	59. Chapter 59

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 59**

**O•••••O**

"That's what I'm thinking" she confirms.

"Well, the women in the group must be flipping out by now," I reason. "Maybe we can just observe the group without actually sending you to meet someone in person."

Even I can hear the desperation to keep Bella out of harm's way on my voice.

"Edward," she warns, "this was your idea. Besides, I trust you to keep me safe."

Pulling her forward, I crush my mouth to hers in a hard, desperate kiss, and we're both breathless when I pull away and turn back to the computer.

"Let's make you kinky, baby."

* * *

**A/N: Posting from the doctor's office because I have a sick mini-tot. Plus side... I get to see Dr. Hottie! Woot! What's next, Mother?**

**xx ~ HT**


	60. Chapter 60

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 60  
**

**O•••••O**

By the time dawn's light peeks through the curtains, Bella's new profile is sufficiently kinked. As we dress to head down to the station, I have a strong suspicion we're barking up the wrong tree. There's no way the killer or her obsession is going to latch onto Bella so quickly. It would take months of deep cover before her profile will get…

"Oh! I just got a PM from someone named 'Kinkier than 50'," Bella squeals as she holds her phone up to me. "He says he wants to meet for a scene."

My insides suddenly turn to ice.

* * *

**A/N: A scene? Hmmm... This is hard to do when we're not sharing ideas. I have no idea what is coming before or after. So I just hope maybe we're all on the same wavelength.  
**

**Poor Hot Tot's mini-tot. One of my baby russetts puked all over the floor this morning. Hopefully all of da Ho's spudletts are all healthy! **

**Take it, ho!**


	61. Chapter 61

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 61**

**O•••••O**

"You're scowling. This is a good thing, remember?"

I huff, "For the case. Not for you." I can't help my exasperation. "Not for _us_."

Suddenly, two fists fiercely yank my shirt to Bella's chest. "I. Trust. You."

"Fifty," I sneer. "That guy was a damn sadist. And this guy claims to be kinkier? Bella, I..."

_Fuck_. In our line of work, doubt is lethal, so I swallow mine.

Bella shakes her head. "Take off your uniform."

My cock hates me for it, but I answer, "This really isn't the time, Bella."

"You idiot." She pushes me away. "We're going undercover."

* * *

**A/N: Poor E. Can he get through this in one piece? Can he keep her safe? Is this guy our perp? Is it a guy at all? And what the heck is her screen name?**

**I hope all the little potatoes are healed soon.**

**xxx ~IDH**


	62. Chapter 62

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 62**

**O•••••O**

Two days later, I sit nervously in an unmarked van about a block away from Extreme Restraints. Apparently, the Facebook group was cleverly named after the BDSM club.

Bella, ever the professional, doesn't even spare me a final glance as she walks demurely into the club, dressed in a lacey, black corset, thigh highs held up by a too-flimsy-for-my-tastes garter belt, and four-inch stilettos—all covered by a long trench coat.

Instinctively, my hand reaches for the van door in a fool attempt to drag her back to safety, but Emmett's hand on my wrist stills me.

"Thanks," I mutter.

* * *

**A/N: How is it everything a certain potato writes has to do with BDSM?**

**Well known fact...I flove Emmett. He had to be here somehow.**

**Where in the world is she hiding her mic in that outfit, MR?**

**xxx ~ HT**


	63. Chapter 63

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 63**

**O•••••O**

As the woman I love disappears into the non-descript establishment, I try and calm myself by going over the facts we've painstakingly gathered over the last two days.

Dr. Quincelophoulos managed to put down his baklava long enough to give us a demonstration of how the killer strangled our victims with that damn blue scarf. It's obvious the killer could be either male or female, which only makes me more nervous. I know she's safe, I helped her tape a wireless microphone into the lace of her corset and slipped a thin-bladed dagger next to the stays.

I'm still petrified.

* * *

**A/N: HA! True, Tot...so true about our dear Ho. But she does it SO DAMN WELL! Why fix what ain't broke?  
**

**Ugh...I feel like the inside of a well-used asshole today. Sorry...that was gross. But that's how I feel. **

**Take it, da Ho!**


	64. Chapter 64

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 64**

**O•••••O**

"Club soda with lime," her voice rings out loud and clear in my earpiece.

"Sure thing."

Thumping background music fills the void, then, "Thanks. Hey, would you happen to know a guy who goes by 'Kinkier than 50'?"

"Pshhh," the bartender snorts, and I instantly love him. "That's him."

"That skinny bald guy at the end of the bar in full leathers?" _Attagirl on the description, babe._

"Mmmhmm."

I can practically see the bartender's eye roll.

"'Kay, thanks."

Muffled by the straw in her mouth, her words are muted but clear enough.

"Approaching target. He's recognized me. Here we go."

* * *

**A/N: So...not exactly Domward. And maybe not exactly who he pretends to be on line! Let's see if Leather boy has any game...or if he has a blue scarf tucked inside those tight pants (Eww!)...or if someone is lurking...somewhere...to do something...!**

**HOT?**

**xxx ~IDH**


	65. Chapter 65

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 65**

**O•••••O**

"Sir." Bella says.

"Ahh…Vanessa, I presume?" His voice sounds so smarmy I have to wonder if we're wrong about the killer being female. "Open your coat for me, girl."

My fists clench as I picture him raking his eyes over Bella's soft curves.

This was a fucking horrible idea.

"Very nice. Let's get down to business then, shall we?" He pauses briefly before continuing. "I never mentioned sharing in our online correspondence, but I have another pet who's in need of some…discipline, today. Would you mind having a joint session?"

I'm screaming at Bella to say 'no,' but of course…

* * *

**A/N: WHAT? WHODUNIT?**

**Happy Mother's Day to our UK readers:)**

**xxx ~ HT**


	66. Chapter 66

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 66**

**O•••••O**

…my girl agrees almost immediately.

"Good girl," Emmett whispers as we both crowd around the speaker. My hands clench into fists as the raucous sounds of the club get quieter as Kinky leads Bella further into the bowels of the building. We'd discovered there were private rooms in the rear of the club that could be reserved for an extravagant fee. Apparently our creepy Kinky had money to burn.

"This guy's obviously an amateur," Emmett scoffs.

"How can you tell?"

"Any Dom who's worthy of a crop would have a playroom of his own. He probably rents a paddle, too."

* * *

**A/N: Oh Kinky...you playing dress-up? Do you even know how to handle a mouthy sub? I wonder who the other sub is?  
**

**All these answers and probably a bunch more questions when da Ho posts the next chapter.**

**MR**


	67. Chapter 67

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 67**

**O•••••O**

"Shhh!" I curl my fingers tightly around Emmett's shoulder as Bella's voice filters through the speaker.

"Sir, may I enter the Medieval Torture room behind you?"

Emmett chuckles. "Swan's a real pro."

Tracking their footsteps and the heavy thud of the door, I push three pins into the map tacked to the wall: one for our dom wannabe, one for my partner/lover, and one for our prime suspect.

"I'm going inside through the rear fire door," I inform Emmett. "Send around the unmarked unit."

Emmett grabs my wrist. "Your earpiece!"

I take it, nodding gratefully.

"Don't lose your head, Cullen."

* * *

**A/N: Who says I don't do the rear door? *grins* HEY, is it too late to enter this little gem into the ILOVEANAL contest? What? It's anonymous? That's okay. Our unit is unmarked! :)**

**Don't lose your head. Don't shoot your foot. And whatever you do, Cullen, don't let Officer Eddie get caught in the crossfire! EEEEP!**

**This situation is EXPLOSIVE, Hot Tot. What's next?**

**xx ~IDH**

**PS- I love how our readers are throwing each other under the bus here!**


	68. Chapter 68

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 68**

**O•••••O**

I slow my roll as I walk into the club, trying to appear as calm and collected as I don't feel. Kinkier has Bella and his other pet, Alice, kneeling on the floor with their eyes down. I snag the table closest to the hallway rather than stand outside their private door like I want—no need to draw unwanted attention.

"So, Vanessa…you indicated you were in need of a good punishment. Would you care to share why?"

"Forgive me, Sir. It's not exactly a feeling I can put into words."

"Oh, I think I can help you with that…_Isabella_."

* * *

**A/N: WHAT? He knows who she is? Is he gonna off her in front of Alice? Or are they in it together? Or is Alice undercover, too? Maybe the FEEBS are working the case, too? ;)**

**xx ~ HT**


	69. Chapter 69

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 69**

**O•••••O**

The urge to push away from the table and run to the partially opened door is overwhelming. But we have nothing but circumstantial evidence right now. Although Bella's cover has been compromised, the entire investigation will be for nothing if we don't get something outta this operation.

"You think I can't tell you're a cop?" he growls. I jump, my muscles tensing as I hear the whoosh and snap of a crop. I wait for the unmistakable sound of leather meeting flesh, but it doesn't come. Instead, Bella's voice rings loud and clear.

"The only thing you'll be slapping…is your own cock."

* * *

**A/N: Damn..I really shoulda worked some shared oral into this chapter...it is chapter 69. Oh well...  
**

**We're moving fast now that things are happening, huh?  
**

**:-)**

**MR**


	70. Chapter 70

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 70**

**O•••••O**

"Brave words from a girl with her hands tied behind her back."

My heart sinks to the bottom of my gullet, where it jumps and twists along with my intestines. Every instinct as a man and a cop screams, "SAVE HER!"

"Wait for the word, Detective Cullen." Emmett's silky voice startles me. "We've got our team out back and no evidence she's been disarmed."

"Easy for you to say," I growl quietly into my wrist, covering with half-filled beer mug left on the dingy table. "Where's my intel on this 'Alice'?"

"Yeah, Facebook group turns up an Alice Sin Bondageland."

* * *

**A/N: OH! She's armed! Good thinking, Bella! Whatever you do, Edward, DON'T DRINK THE BEER! Blech!**

**xx ~IDH**


	71. Chapter 71

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 71**

**O•••••O**

"What makes you think my hands are tied behind my back?" I hear Bella say and I have to wonder what the fuck she's doing.

There's a pause before Kinkier laughs. "If there's one thing I know, it's how to tie knots. There's no way you got out of that."

I can practically see Bella shrugging with a smug expression on her face. "If you say so."

Kinkier's heavy footsteps get louder and I assume he's approaching to check Bella's wrists when three things happen in succession: A sickening crunch travels through my earpiece, an unfamiliar voice yells, "YOU BITCH!", ...

* * *

**A/N: Sorry I'm late, peeps! Blame Les! (Not even kidding... It's all her fault!)**

**what the Frickle frackle was the third thing, MR?**

**xx ~ HT**


	72. Chapter 72

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 72**

**O•••••O**

…and the entire club goes dark. Chaos explodes as people in every manner of dress start running for the exits. I realize I'm way too jaded when I see a women in thigh-high leather boots sprint past me, a naked man crawling on all fours behind her and it doesn't even phase me. Emmett's voice is an insistent growl in my ear.

"Do you have her? Fuck, Edward, do you have Bella?" I push through the crowd, ignoring the grunts of pain as I step on bare feet and elbow exposed breasts.

By the time I get to the doorway…

* * *

**A/N: I realized while Tot has left me hanging several times, I didn't think I'd left da Ho hanging yet. I might have...who can remember.  
**

**So what happens by the time he gets to the doorway?**

**You know your reviews make all of us smile. If I wasn't still dealing with two sick kids and a lung-full of yuck myself, I'd reply to more. #epicallybadauthor**

**MR**


	73. Chapter 73

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 73**

**O•••••O**

...Alice has Bella tackled face-down. With her thighs like two coiled springs pinning Bella's shoulders to the floor and her tiny hands grasping the ends of the scarf around Bella's neck, our suspect looks like a jockey pushing maniacally to the finish line of the Kentucky Derby.

My gun is fully drawn even before I see the blood.

"Not ...mine..." Bella chokes out, and I follow her eyes to the bald man's limp body lying next to her. He moans pitifully as his nose gushes into the bloody puddle. Grinding my boot into his back, I watch vigilantly.

And wait.

* * *

**A/N: I was hoping you wouldn't notice that whole cliffie thing, MR. Oh well...once I figured out WHAT exactly crunched (poor dom guy's nose) and WHO turned out the lights (I'm not telling), all that was left was Alice mounting Bella. You can blame Les for this, too (along with J'me Prettykitty) for running that Cowboyward contest. I have horses on the brain!**

**Look what a good boy Eddie is! No foot shooting...yet. Now, can he trust his partner and wait for the safe word? All yours, Hottie!**

**xx ~IDH**


	74. Chapter 74

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 74**

**O•••••O**

My heart's pounding as I watch Bella fight against the blue scarf until her struggles slow and her head drops to the floor.

Alice's face registers triumphant glee, and she turns her attention to me. Kinkier starts thrashing around on the floor as Alice stalks toward me slowly.

"Bet your girlfriend would be pissed you didn't save her if she was alive," she snarls. "Don't worry…you'll get your chance to apologize after we kill you, too."

Rather than rise to her horrendous villain talk, I simply smile and shake my head as she's brought down from behind. 'Atta girl, Bella!

* * *

**A/N: *****huffs* I worked hard on the number count on this one so I didn't leave MR hanging! I really wanted to make Bella shout, "MEATLOAF, EDWARD!" when he was supposed to save her (and then break out in "I would do ANYthing for love, but I won't do THAT!"), but somehow this came out instead. #Crazyasscharacters Probably better this way since it's not actually a crackfic... tho don't be surprised if people break out in song in the next one since it's in my head now!**

**Love your reviews! I'm dragging my butt away from the books I've been addicted to and replying to them today! I read and love every one though! You guys are the best. For serious!**

**xx ~ HT**


	75. Chapter 75

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 75**

**O•••••O**

I keep my gun trained on Kinkier as Bella and Alice struggle. Bella's much stronger than our killer, but little Alice has no scruples when it comes to fighting. She digs her nails into Bella's cheek and yanks at her hair, spitting and cursing as they roll around on the dirty floor.

"Typical girl," I sigh, unable to take my eyes off them. Bella's coat has come off in the scuffle, her skimpy corset and panties leaving lots of pale skin on display. I grimace as I adjust my rapidly rising 'rection.

"That's so fucking hot," Kinkier mumbles, eyes wide.

* * *

**A/N: When I think of meatloaf, I think of the Wedding Crashers when Will Ferrell yells at his mom for more meatloaf. 'Ma...the meatloaf! Fuck!' **

**Sorry...this cold medicine is rotting my brain. Either that or the smell of baby puke has corroded my mind. Take your pick.**

**And yeah...I totally 'rectioned the word erection. My grammar is off the charts!**

**Take it, Ho! **

**MR**


	76. Chapter 76

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 76**

**O•••••O**

Kinkier groans as I twist my heel into the small of his back.

"You have the right to remain silent, asswipe. I suggest you start now."

I aim the Sig's barrel onto the killer, but it's impossible to discern one body from the other in the dim emergency lighting, especially once they go into a full-body tumble along the cement floor.

"Lights, Em!" I command, and the room is suddenly bathed in harsh brightness. Spreading my feet for balance, I align my sights.

"FABIO!"

Bella's safe word jolts me into action. I lock onto Alice's kneecap and squeeze the trigger.

* * *

**A/N: Meatloaf would've been epic and Boggle's been done, so Fabio seemed the logical choice. And yeah, there were NO LIGHTS ON-minor detail! (And now you also know who turned them off, at least in my scenario!)**

**Okay, we've got a de-knee-capitated murderer (unless E missed) and a downed dom. I say we tie those two bad guys to the torture rack and let our crack detectives have their fun with the stockade! YUM!**

**xx ~IDH**


	77. Chapter 77

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 77**

**O•••••O**

Alice's shrill scream pierces my ears as she grabs her leg. Before I can blink, Bella's on top of Alice, wrenching her arms behind her back to cuff together with fuzzy red handcuffs.

"I don't think those are CPD approved cuffs, Detective Swan," Emmett teases as he walks through the door dragging another guy behind him.

Bella smirks in response and I nod toward Emmett's prisoner as I place handcuffs on Kinky. "Who the fuck is that?"

"This..." Emmett pauses, "is Jacob Black. Caught him watching all the action from his office. Plus, he smells like a wet dog."

Right.

* * *

**A/N: **** idk who kinky is yet, but I wanted to arrest jake for being a perv. :)**

**sorry I'm late! Kiddo was hurt at school so I had to pick him up. Boys are so rough! He's fine now:)**

**xx ~ HT**


	78. Chapter 78

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 78**

**O•••••O**

Bella sits on my lap, my coat keeping her covered and warm as we get debriefed. Emmett plops down across from us and tosses a thick folder onto the black table. I'm pretty sure this is the first debriefing that's ever happened in a sex club.

"Ms. Bondageland's real name is Esme Platt. Apparently her husband, Carlisle, aka, Kinkier than 50, has been trying to push her limits by bringing different submissives into their scenes. She obviously took offense to his methods and took matters into her own hands," Emmett sighs grimly.

And I let Bella walk right into it.

* * *

**A/N: ****Awww...Edward's getting upset with himself. Usually that leads straight to angry sex. Who's with me?  
**

**I'm happy Tot's oldest spud didn't sustain any damage. My little new potatoes like his nose without a bump. **

**So...angry sex, da Ho? What say you?**

**MR**


	79. Chapter 79

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 79**

**O•••••O**

"Any idea how they made Bella?" I ask.

Banner chimes in, "This guy Black's not just a peeper; he's a professional hacker. Traced the IP address to your CPD-issued laptop."

"Fuck. I should've known better."

She cups my chin in her hand. "Stop. I'm fine. You did great, baby."

"Yeah. _Watching_?"

She hops off my lap suddenly. "Done with us, Cap?"

Banner nods and grins. "Go."

Bella's heels click rhythmically as she drags me out the rear door and shoves my back against the brick wall. "I'm a bit revved right now," she warns, eyes swimming with lust and adrenaline.

* * *

**A/N: Personally, I think Edward is in a bit of danger. Don't forget the dangerous ball-buster fists, HT! Go to it!****  
**

**xx ~IDH**


	80. Chapter 80

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 80**

**O•••••O**

"Ung..." is my intelligent response as Bella's mouth attacks my neck and her fingers go to work opening the button on my jeans.

I slam my head back against the brick wall when she slips the zipper down and shoves her hand inside my pants to wrap around my cock.

"I want you in my mouth," she groans as she bites my shoulder.

"Out...side," I pant. "People...can...see."

Her eyes flicker to mine and she gives me a coy smile. "Don't care," she whispers before dropping to her knees.

My hands fly to tangle in her hair of their own accord.

* * *

**A/N: I refuse to injure Edward. ****  
**

**Alley BJ FTW!**

**xx ~ HT**


	81. Chapter 81

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 81**

**O•••••O**

Obviously her near-death experience has flipped her inner harlot switch, because Bella is a woman possessed as she wraps her lips around my aching cock. The rough brick scrapes against my bare ass, but I could care less. Bella looks up at me as she sucks, her cheeks hollowing out. My fingers tighten in her thick hair as I fight the natural urge to thrust into her welcoming heat.

"Do it," she hisses as she pops off the top of my dick, pre-cum and spit trailing down her chin.

"Do what?" I moan.

"Fuck my mouth," she orders breathlessly.

* * *

**A/N: You heard the harlot! Fuck her mouth!  
**

**You wanna take the money shot, da Ho?**

**MR**


	82. Chapter 82

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 82**

**O•••••O**

"Bella, I will happily fuck your mouth, pound your cootch, AND ride your chocolate speedway six ways till Sunday," I pant, holding her lips off my throbbing dick, "but I would never disrespect you doing it out here in the alley."

"But Edward, we've—"

"Not with snipers on the roof."

"True." Her eyes flicker with disappointment, but she recovers quickly. Grasping my erection with all five fingers, Bella drags me back inside and leads me into the "Interrogation Room," kicking the door closed behind us.

"Strip."

"Fuck, baby." My mouth goes dry as I take in the stark furnishings.

* * *

**A/N: Temporarily cock blocked in the higher service of an Interrogation Room Scene. Have fun, Tot!**

**xxx ~IDH**


	83. Chapter 83

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 83**

**O•••••O**

Bella doesn't waste any time pushing me down in one of the hard plastic chairs sitting on either side of the interrogation table.

She pulls my pants back down and immediately straddles my lap.

When I place my hands on her hips, she grabs my hands and forces them behind me.

"You gonna behave or will I have to get out the cuffs?"

I groan when she swivels her hips gliding her wet pussy along my hard cock. "You're the one that needs restraining, baby. Remember?"

With moves like Jagger, I grip her waist and toss her onto the table.

* * *

**A/N: Not that temporary! Woot! Get it, Edward!**

**xxx ~ HT**


	84. Chapter 84

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 84**

**O•••••O**

A quick look around the room and I'm suddenly inspired. The sexpot currently writhing beneath me distracted me from the fact that our 'interrogation room' was really one of the many theme rooms in Extreme Restraints. I bet my left nut the industrial filing cabinet in the corner is full of crops, clamps and dildos. A peek under the table makes me smile.

"What's got you grinning?" Bella huffs, obviously pissed I'm not buried to the hilt inside her sweet pussy already. With a lean and a snap, I have her wrists bound to the table with thick leather cuffs.

* * *

**A/N: No worries about renegade fists now! Take her!  
**

**MR**


	85. Chapter 85

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 85**

**O•••••O**

"Now then..." I tease, yanking her corset to her waist, "what do I have to do to make you sing, Ms. Swan?"

She kicks maniacally, but I'm already across the room selecting implements of torture when I hear, "You can't make me talk, you sick bastard!"

"I was hoping you'd say that," I answer gruffly, kneeling over her face and stuffing my dick inside her mouth. "Watch the teeth," I warn. With two swift swoops, I clamp her hardened nipples between the alligator claws.

Her hips fly off the desk and I press them down harshly, thrusting down her throat.

* * *

**A/N: Do NOT mess with Bad Copward...or Ida Kinky Ho. ;)**

**Take it, Tot!**

**xxx ~IDH**


	86. Chapter 86

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 86**

**O•••••O**

Bella gags around my cock, and I fear I'll lose my load before we even get started. I pull out swiftly when her eyes begin to water and grant my girl's wish.

I fuck her mouth hard and fast, bringing myself to the brink before slowing down and letting Bella's tongue work its magic. She swirls her tongue around my entire shaft as I slip out, leaving just the tip in her mouth. A moan escapes from deep inside me as I watch her lovingly make out with my cock before wrapping her lips around it and sucking me back inside.

* * *

**A/N: That is one dirty pumpkin I have to follow. Or potato I guess. Pick a vegetable woman!**

**xxx ~ HT**


	87. Chapter 87

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 87**

**O•••••O**

I'm quickly losing my mind as Bella lollypops my cock. Her moans are pushing me to the limit.

"I'm coming," I bark only seconds before I spurt my load down her throat. Her eyes flip open in shock and I feel bad for surprising her. When the rasp of her tongue is too much on my over-sensitized shaft, I pull out of her mouth and slip off the table. Her legs are sawing together, searching for friction. Her juices have made a puddle under her hips. The nipple clamps look amazing and I feel my erection spring back to life.

* * *

**A/N: Nothing worse than a surprise load! Whoops. I'm sure our fruit/vegetable mastermind will take care of Bella. Or at least get her going again.  
**

**Tot is the queen of epic set-ups. Seriously...these chapters after hers pretty much write themselves. **

**MWAH!**

**MR**


	88. Chapter 88

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 88**

**O•••••O**

"Still not talking?"

Bella licks her lips, shaking her head side-to-side.

"We won't be needing these, then," I reply casually, reaching over to unclamp nipple one. She groans, then hisses, as I tongue the sore nub.

I tease, "You know the second one always hurts more?" before giving the second clamp a slight jiggle and releasing it.

"Ahhhhhhh!"

My dick responds to her squeal by snapping to full attention. It takes me all of five minutes to fit my prisoner with a remote-control butterfly.

"You talk..." I switch it on low, and Bella hums, eyes rolling back in her head.

* * *

**A/N: I apologize, dear readers. Apparently, I overslept today. My alarm cock didn't wake me till 11 AM! **

**Welcome Hoodfabulous, who got here just in time for THIS! ;) Don't worry, Hoodie; we will have another guest potato spot down the road. Who knows, maybe an epi guest tater?**

**Hot Tot, she's all yours.**

**xx ~IDH**


	89. Chapter 89

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 89**

**O•••••O**

"Anything," Bella pants. "I'll tell you anything you wanna know. Just don't stop."

"Good girl," I say turning the dial up to medium before dialing it back down.

I take a deep breath and ask the question that's been plaguing my soul since she walked back into my life four days ago. Hell...since she disappeared from it two years ago. "Why'd you leave? No note...no phone call...no explanation of where you'd be...just annulment papers in the mail two months later."

She cries out as she struggles against her restraints. "I didn't have another choice! I had to keep you safe."

* * *

**A/N: No need to rub in all the sleep to the two potatoes who have a combined seven spuds ages five and under with two sets of twins, da Ho! *side eyes IdH*****  
**

**What's goin on here? I want more than 100 words! I'm seriously cursing that stupid no talking about the plot rule we have right now!**

**what'd she protect him from MR?**

**xx ~ HT**


	90. Chapter 90

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 90  
**

**O•••••O**

The remote slips from my grip, accidentally revving up to the highest level. I stand staring at her as her body arches up off the table, the orgasm so intense, tears spring to her eyes. I somehow manage to rein in my senses and scamper for the device. As the vibrations slow to a stop, the only sound is Bella's sobbing breaths.

"Keep me safe from what?" My voice is harsh and thick with both anger and overwhelming desire.

"I had to keep you safe from…me," she whimpers pitifully. "We know I'm your weakness. You would have gotten yourself killed."

* * *

**A/N: HA! Very true, Tot. And of course I have no alarm cock to wake me up, either...like you both do. Waa waa waaa...okay...pity party ovah.  
**

**No idea if that was where you wanted to go. I wanted to go for some sex...but we all know I'm a ho.**

**Now...da Ho...where do we go?  
**


	91. Chapter 91

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 91**

**O•••••O**

"Explain," I demand, blatantly taking advantage of her vulnerability without apology.

Her face falls away from me, tears spilling profusely on the harsh steel slab. My heart aches for her, aches for us both, but this pain is necessary—and long overdue.

"I was deep undercover, we'd infiltrated the Thai Traders Ring..."

"_White slavers_?" My stomach flips and rolls. How could I have missed that?

"Yes. My contact on the outside—"

"_Emmett._"

"Yes, Emmett..." She turns her soft chocolate eyes back to mine, and I could hardly see her through my own blur of tears. "They'd made me, Edward."

* * *

**A/N: They're coming fast and furious now! Can you all feel the impending CLIMAX?**

**Go, Hot!**

**xx ~IDH**

**PS- Fire up your brains, ladies. We're giving our epilogue to another guest potato spot, since you guys did so well with the first one!**


	92. Chapter 92

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 92**

**O•••••O**

My eyes drop to the ground and I feel my entire body sag. "So all this time...?"

"I never wanted to leave you...never went a day without thinking about you. I knew you must've hated me. My biggest fear was that you'd moved on."

My eyes snap to hers. "Never, Bella. I'll love you for a thousand years...no measure of time with you will ever be enough."

Fresh tears fall from her eyes, and she beckons me closer with her finger. Climbing on top of her, I settle myself between her legs and she says, "Good to hear...about that annulment..."

* * *

**A/N: oh yes I did quote BD1! Woot! What's next, MR?**

**idk how fast this will wrap up, but if I don't go again, you guys are awesome! Your reviews are epic!**

**xx ~ HT**

**PS- Fire up your brains, ladies. We're giving our epilogue to another guest potato spot, since you guys did so well with the first one!**


	93. Chapter 93

**Homicidal**

**Chapter 93**

**O•••••O**

…the judge was really an undercover doing me a solid."

My fingers fumble the leather straps keeping her wrists restrained and I stare down at her.

"You mean…all this time we've been married?" She has the good grace to look chagrined as I swiftly free her hands. Her fingers trace gently across my jaw as she captures my face in her hands.

"Are you really angry?" she whispers.

I should be angry. I should be fucking furious…but I'm not. I've got what I've always wanted right where I want her.

"You're just lucky I'm not going homicidal on your ass."

* * *

**A/N: How the hell could I follow such an EPIC chapter?! Damn, Tot! Fabulousity!  
**

**Giggles...I love putting the name of the fic in the fic. I'm thinking of writing a book called 'Life according to Family Guy.' Anyone wanna read it? (and if you don't watch Family Guy then you have no idea why that's funny)  
**

**Okay...are we done? No idea...you decide da Ho!**

******PS- Fire up your brains, ladies. We're giving our epilogue to another guest potato spot, since you guys did so well with the first one!**


	94. Chapter 94

**::THE END::**

**(Who knew?)**

**O•••••O**

**EPIC epi, ANYONE?** Who knows where the epilogue might find these two? Why, YOU do, dear clever readers! We're not picking our favorite this time; in fact, we each might just enter our own. MR said something about adopting a puppy, but I'm not sure if she was serious.

_Here's the deal:_

• Submit 100 words (not counting title or handcuff icon) as a PM to the ThreeHotPotatoes fanfic account.

• All qualifying chapters received by 10 a.m. EST will be posted in the EPILOGUE chapter tomorrow morning.

• No "winner" will be selected.

• Each reader may submit up to three entries.

* * *

**WHAT'S NEXT?** you ask, you gluttons for punishment. Our **NEXT HOT POTATO STORY** will take us into as-yet-uncharted potato territory. (potatory?) We will be writing our inaugural **HOT SLASH POTATO**, for your male-male reading pleasure, AND...*DRUMROLL PLEASE*...we will be featuring a very special surprise **GUEST POTATO** for the length *giggles* of the story, whatever that might be!

* * *

**Authors' Notes:**

**IDH (Born): Being a mystery writer sure is difficult. I think I'll stick with "erotica" from now on! And I will most _definitely_ stick with my amazing writing partners, KK and Shell. Just when I thought we were in for a long, kinky scene, those two go and tie up every loose end with tenderness, humor, and creativity. I love you guys so much! And you, our wonderful, courageous, demanding, humorous, clever, flexible readers...you just make it all so much fun. Let's see what other madness we can cause together, shall we? XXX b**

**MR (Kitkat): Crack sure is easier to write...I'll tell ya that for true. But stretching your legs a bit was tons of fun with my two cohorts! Thank you SO much for sticking with us through good times and cray cray. MWAH!**

**HT (shell): idk what they're talking about... This was easy peasey lemon squeezy and I'm sure there are absolutely NO CONTINUITY ISSUES WHATSOEVER. . love working with these two as always. Loads of fun. Sooooo excited for our slash! Can't wait to see what we come up with! You guys rock so hard. Love you Muchly. **


	95. Chapter 95

**From EAMCSquared: **

Three years later...

Captain Banner sticks his head out of his office and yells "Cullen, get your ass in here. We got a high-profile murder case and the Chief wants you on it."

I groan as I make the walk to his office to see my new partner sitting in there. "Fuck no, I am not working a murder case with her again!" She snorts at me like she can't believe what I just said.

"Babe, I can't put you at risk again, especially now with our little spud at home." "Suck it up buttercup" Bella says " you're stuck with me." Thank God for that!

**O•••••O**

**From ilive2read:**

It's a good thing I own a gun and handcuffs.

The gun's for Bella's big daddy, because when he finds out I knocked up his little girl after our little night in the "interrogation room" he's going to be on my ass like white on rice. The handcuffs are for Bella (for fun of course) but also for keeping the knuckles of nad killers away from my man bits the first few months of praying to the porcelain gods.

Better not ever tell the fruit of my loins that they were conceived while mommy hung upside down wrapped in pleather!

**O•••••O**

**From IDH (Born):**

"Hey! What're you doing?" Bella swats my hands off the keyboard.

"Deleting you from this group of murderous perverts!"

"You are NOT!" Her face is hot with fury..._or is it_?

Sweeping her into my lap and pinning her hands down, I crane my neck around her thrashing head.

"Why, you naughty girl!"

"It ...was ...recon!"

Dropping the mouse, I tighten my grip on Bella/Vanessa and slide one hand under skirt. "No panties?"

She squirms, grinding wildly against my erection as I taste my slick fingers.

With my free hand, I reach around and tap out, _Should we let Vanessa come?_

******O•••••O**

**From MR (Kitkat): **

"You know…I actually thought you hated me," I chuckle as Charlie hands me a beer. He grins, tipping back his own bottle. We're buds now that I actually have permission to be married to Bella.

"Ever hear of Lotus on the Hudson?" he asks. My eyes widen as I nod. "We sent Bella there before college to try and…um…curb her uncontrollable tendencies. It didn't work. The only time she was her old self…was when she was with you."

I sit silently as I process the fact that my wife is a nympho and only I can control her.

**You'd have to have read KEA to understand what the Lotus on the Hudson is...but I'm sure most of you have...and if not...WHAT THE HELL?! :-)**

******O•••••O**

**From HT (shell): **

"Puuuuushhh, Bellaaa!" I coach, looking into her pain-filled face.

"Shut the fuck uuuup, Edward," she screams back, not appreciating my helpful direction.

"I'm just saying...you could give a little more effort," I tease.

Fire flashes in her eyes, and I realize I've taken it one step too far. "Uh...I mean...I'll just get Emmett to help me move this desk out of the nursery, and then I'll bring you some ice cream."

I sigh in relief when Bella kisses me before waddling off. Life has never been more dangerous than living with my pregnant wife, but I wouldn't change a thing.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for playing everyone! Hope to see you back in a few days! ~ 3HP**


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